Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
