i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
