Will you blow on my dice?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
