Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
