oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
