I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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