Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
