well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize