Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
