I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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