Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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