Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
