Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize