.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
