i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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