if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
