the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
