Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she told me i tasted like america
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize