we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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