Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
