im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
