i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
