Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
