Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
