i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
