ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
