Barsexuality is the new black.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
