in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Im part way to drunk.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
