I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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