I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
