Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
