If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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