cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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