She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
