I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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