You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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