omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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