as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We left the knife in your bed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
