one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
