the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
