I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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