no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize