By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
