had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
