i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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