my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
