My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
