Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
