It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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