i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
