oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
