it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
