no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
