bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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