my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
