I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
