I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Enjoy the penises
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
