UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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