remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize