NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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