So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Michael Bay diarrhea
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
