If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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