her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
