remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize