I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize