Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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