I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
