I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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