Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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