I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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