I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
