cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
