Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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