Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
