Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
