were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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