i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
