I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize