i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
