wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
