Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
