The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Acid is not a monday night drug
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
