why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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