i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
