Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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