Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
