You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
