I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
