Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Randomize
