found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
