pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
