i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
