I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
