she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
