i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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