I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
