My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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