forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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