You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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