Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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