whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
not ubering you a puppy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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