it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
