I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
