He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
