MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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