I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
