you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
