New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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