An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
