Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
