did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Your dad touched me again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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