he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The uberlube is also flammable
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize