my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
