We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
