the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
