due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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