well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
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