i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
